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205/ Hadn't she told me it would be so? hadn't she forseen it all? (So she had for about a week.) "And then the idea of his coming out again when he hadn't been home for five years, & his Mothers business affairs were in such an unsettled state! Of course he was coming out to see me, there was no doubt about it; Mrs Little had said she should go to Rome & Nice for the Winter, & Mr Little has already spent four Winters in Nice, & hates it accordingly. - What other reason could there be for his going there? And then the idea of infant of my age, only seventeen, having such performances! And so she went till I was perfectly exhausted. - Saturday. August 19th I have not been to see Mrs Little since before Mr Little came, nearly four weeks, & as I used to go every two days, my absence is too marked not to be speculated upon, & of course she is furious. - I hate to make her angry, but it is the only way in which I can

(206 let her see that if her son is coming over on my account, - he had much better stay in America. - Indeed she ought to be very much obliged to me, for of course I might pretend I knew nothing about it, act just as usual, & have the pleasure & satisfaction of his being devoted to me all next Winter. - But it worries me so; He is such a splendid fellow, & we have been such good friends, & I admire & esteem him so much, & I was so sure that he was so constitutionally indifferent to girls, & that with him at least I might have a solid friendship, without any sentiment just as if we were two men; & now to have it all spoiled. I dont believe that the young men now a days really care much about any-one, but with him it is different for he never has had even the most passing fancy for any one, & after all he is twenty-four years old & not a baby. And I should feel awfully if he should get to care about me really. - I have never snubbed him, because he has never given me a chance, & until that letter came, I never dreamt or believed that there was anything on his side. -