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said was "how easy to slaughter the actual Twain man he is safely dead."

    You see how nasty that was, 20 years out of [?] of something he said. The inference being that many of my stories - such stories as Hands were indiscreet. I had found he said something of the sort. It made me furious, and then I wrote the letter and was utterly ashamed of having done so. "Why cannot I be more manly" I ask myself day and night.

    You see I am in no mood to understand why any man should love me. I love you yes - and Brooks and the other men who are doing good work and who are alive but I ask myself - "When will I, in a weak moment write some other