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[letterhead]1202 Ashland Block Chicago [Added note: Probably 1913 no transcript]

Mar 31 Dear Mary Have been sorry to hear of Sarahs illness and do hope she will get well and free. of course neither she nor any one else will ever be very free but she might to get out of that she must.

  I did not say to Older that I was not going to 

Cal. or that I was happy, but he probably inferred both.- I will never be happy, no more will you, we were not made to be happy & yet I suppose I appear happy to him and I did not say much about Cal. Do you know Mary ever since I came back I have been trying to go to Cal. but always the old terror of it all comes in me and keeps me here. It is so hard to go back to the scene of all the indignities insults & humiliations I suffered there. I was helpless to persist Of course I want

to go.  It is lovely there & the friends are so many 

& dear and when I think of it a black cloud comes over the sky & cant get out from under it. Gladly would I come to S.F. but I cant go there without going to the home of the Angels. I