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May 1st Dear darling Johnny I wrote to Jane last night but your unclear little note has so distressed me that I must relieve myself in a few lines - how I wish I could see you instead. I shall be very uneasy until I hear better tidings of you - what can make you unhappy - you must tell me - I must know - so you need not try to put me off. To be overtaken with work or worries by business is rather disagreeable. but to be unhappy, oh, that is indeed terrible - but darling, I think you can't be well - you have confined yourself too lonely so much to business, the mere routine of business - you have been too much absorbed by one thing - and you have neglected the conditions of health to soul & body, now take advice and get well - before it is too late - in the first place take medicine, improve your health taking moderate unclear exercise - attend to the wants of your soul - seek the help of God's spirit to enlighten and comfort you - to enable you to fulfill all your duties - to your family - to make them happy and to set them a good example it is as much your duty to make your family happy or to provide them food & raiment - it is your absolute duty to make yourself always agreeable at home - and very wrong to be cross or ill tempered - and with such a sweet interesting family, and so many pleasant surroundings - dear Johnny how can you be unhappy - is anything wrong. O do not keep any thing from me - tell me all your troubles - I hope I shall be able to go & see you, but the times, my health and all things are so uncertain - I am only beginning to recover from a long siege - and tho I have generally kept up I have suffered much - all these are warnings that we should not disregard, to be ready - and O dear Johnny could I see you too preparing for the same eternity how it would rejoice my departing hours - Can you not love and serve the God of your Mother - take my word for it when I assure you there is no comfort nor peace in any thing but religion - try it for yourself and may the holy spirit bring you to the Knowledge of the Savior