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is possible for a lover (?) of the Saviour to stray from him.

  When I came to myself I knew not which way to turn. It seemed to me that Christians could not overlook such a utter dereliction of the faith of rectitude and recieve me with any favour; and I had almost limited the Holy One of Israel and thought God could not pardon such a sinner. But forever blessed be his holy name, he has not left me utterly to despair. There is balm in Gilead, there is a Physician there O may I daily repair to that fountain, which is set afar ? and un-cleaness, for the washing away of my mountains of sins; and may I pray not only for myself but may I and may you be enabled to go to the Saviour with a heart burdened for the impenitent and there at his feet plead with faith in their behalf untill we recieve an answer to our petitions.
  Let us go like the prodigal returning to his father and we shall not be denied. Let us plead before the Father the merits of his Son feeling all our own unrighteousness. Let us plead his promise to his backsliding children, which is Return unto me and I will return unto you. His promises are yea and amen to him that recieveth them.
 Lucy, do you think these words are believed by and come from the heart of one whose life is an constant denial of them? If you are "a wanderer, a grevous back slider", what shall I think of myself? what do you think of me? Oh, if repentance would undo the effect of my sins upon others there would be some mitigation of my sorrows.
But, no this can never be; if I have been the means of hardening any in sin or given occasion for any to blaspheme