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76 Thursday December 20th 1849 I labor under a strong feeling of discouragement. We are unable to work and have to live idling in the tent - passing wearily the precious hours. Are we fated to drudge forever along the road of Penury - always between wind and water and never to feel - like strong bodied swimmers that we are masters of the waves of misfortune. I consider it an unfortunate position - where a man feels every moment is valuable and yet is hindered from applying his powers. Discouragements are particularly annoying in this country - when gold seems plenty - and success - like a shadow is always just before. This man is making an ounce or two per day - that man has been lucky and found a pocket of six or twelve ounces. Wherever you meet a man he has gold in his pan every tent contains the precious dust - gold is plenty - none are in want - and yet where is the gold which shall land with us at home and make us independent in future years. We see much - yet where is that which should be ours? Frank the lucky miner of whom I spoke last Saturday - the next day - took up a bucket of dust and found $235.00 in it. The high water has since prevented him from working in his place. Such success - is fever exciting to the rest of us. We had about concluded Franks luck - was a point of encouragement to us Natomians - thinking the high water had caused the fine deposit in his hole - when all our hopes were squashed - in the discovery that this gold was indoubtedly that which a miner lost last year while engaged in making the dam. It was about $500 and was secured in a bag - accidently he dropped it in the river and employed himself ineffectually a long time - to fish it up. I should enjoy this mining life finely - if our success was only bright. I hope the sun may break the clouds which now hang round over house. Yesterday was a cold dismal day. We went down to the island - and worked till the rain setting in drove us off. It was hard labour - the water chilled me through - while the labour fatigued me greatly. We cannot work so easily - when we have to work so unsteadily. It requires a day to renew old habits. The wind came on at night furiously from the eastward. It shook our tent like a reed. The stovepipe rattled down - the poles bent and swayed and