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  Utica July 12th 1854

My dearest Sarah

     Doubtless you have expected a letter from me long before now, but you were dissapointed, were'nt you?   My thoughts have not been in Oregon, but they have been centered upon my unworthy self, and that too, not without some little effect, or rather some great effect, for it led me to a unclear conviction of my great duty to myself and my fellow mortals.   And I have reason to thank my God that I have resolutely performed it, as far as it has been shown to me.
        How much happier we are when we feel that we are doing our reasonable servise to our God and our Savior.    You knew what my views upon religion were, that is, you knew that I considered it our chiefest happiness and our greatest delight to obey all of our makers commands, but my fears were that I was not fully prepared to unite with his visible church here upon the earth.      I thought long and seriously and at length decided to come forth from the world and openly to show my love to Christ by uniting with his church.      I was rather hard for me all alone, among entire strangers to declare my wishes, but I did it

along the side and top: All are unclear well and end this best love to you.

Now, my dear Sarah i hope that you have read this letter through quite as calmly as I wrote it, for if it should excite you or make you worse I should be exceedingly sorry.

I should not have written it at present, but I knew that it could not be totally surprising and unexpected to you, and I wanted dear heart to feel happy with me, for I know that you have thought of me and my indecision with sorrow and some doubt. You need not confess it, for I know that I should have doubted some had I been in you case, but now I can give you occasion to rejoice in the Lord. Remember me Sarah in your prayers and I will also often think of you when pleading for mercies for the sake of our Savior. Yours in a dearer bond of love of God. name