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Newspaper clipping with hand-written notes in top margin PS We've just begun to discuss moving to Barrington to shorten lines of transport. Mike Jack & Gladys - My wife & I haven't tried this -- yet -- even though the etiquette rules are impressively good. Mike Hecht

Chicago Sun-Times, Friday, December 11, 1981 Sex and the swingle suburbanite Roger Simon File:Photograph of head of author handwritten note: Delightful

   I never used to worry much about group sex.  I figured I would always have a hard enough time finding just one partner, let alone 10 or 12.
   And to tell the truth, the idea of an audience never really appealed to me.  I worried that I would get rated like at the Olympics where the judges hold up those little scorecards.  Even if they threw out the top score and the bottom score and gave me extra points for "degree of difficulty," I didn't want any part of  it.
  But "swinging" clubs providing group sex have become so ordinary and casual, they have surfaced not in the smoky dives of our cities, but out in suburbia.  And if it's happening in suburbia, it's got to be all-American.
   The latest in organized orgies surfaced recently in Barrington Hills, an ultraposh suburb northwest of Chicago.
   A couple, Horst and Gigi Kraus, both 49, fixed up their $170,000 home with an indoor swimming pool and a hot tub and opened a sex club called the Happy Medium Unlimited.
   HORST, A RETIRED plumbing contractor - no jokes, please - charged $60 for annual membership and a $25 entrance fee for each weekly party.   In less than a year, he signed up  250 couples from three states.
    Law enforcement agencies said Kraus wasn't breaking any law they knew about.
   "I have nothing to hide," Kraus said.  "The members of the club are adults who seek more intimate friendship than what is normally being experienced in a cocktail party."
   That's what I like about suburbia.  Everything is so civilized.  If you go cruising for group sex in the city, you are likely to find yourself arrested, charged with mass mopery and called a pervert.
    But if you do it in a place with a Jacuzzi in the basement, a barbecue pit in the backyard and a flamingo on the front lawn, it's called modern living.
    A source who wishes to remain anonymous provided me with the official membership application and rules of the Happy Medium Unlimited sex club.
    The club states its purpose is to service "pair bonded couples" over 21 "who wish to exercise their constitutional rights of personal freedom and share intimate expressions ... without being judged by or condemned by others."
    I got out my copy of the Constitution, but I couldn't find anything in there about hot tubs.  I'll bet James Madison was just getting around to it when Dolley put her foot down.
    THE APPLICATION says that everybody must agree to the club's 14 rules of etiquette.  Some of the rules are pretty basic, like always telephoning ahead and arriving on time.  The others try to steer members through the rocky shoals of group sex:

• Dress well but not pretentiously. Attractive casual party clothes are most appropriate. Bring a robe, negligee or other slip-on. Keep jewelry to a minimum. Lost jewelry is a problem for you and an embarrassment to the host and hostess.
• Good grooming is a plus for you and swinging. Become aware of your body and take good care of it.
• Everyone has the right to refusal. You should not swing with a person unless you want to. When you say yes, be honest and enthusiastic; when you say no, be tactful and courteous. Take a no graciously and move on to another person. No one must swing at a party, but if you swing it is assumed that your mate is willing and free to do the same.

• Do not eat, drink or smoke in any bedroom area. Besides the obvious mess and fire hazards, these areas are reserved for other activities. Do not disturb the swinging enjoyment of others in a bedroom with loud or prolonged talk.

• The group room is for the group scene. If you want privacy, don't go there. If you are with your partner and swing in the group room, you can expect someone to seek to join in your activity.

• Do not be a bedroom "cruiser." To quietly open a door to see if there is an available bed for you is all right, but to look in bedrooms out of curiosity is bad manners. So is going from bedroom to bedroom, pulling back curtains between beds and turning on lights. To go into a private swing area as a stage to see if there is something for you is a major breach of etiquette.

• Don't bring your marital or conjugal difficulties to a party. Bad vibes will travel fast and make it uncomfortable for others around you.

• Be responsible, friendly and good-natured.

YOU'VE GOT TO admit that with a few exceptions these rules could be part of the Boy Scout oath. But I feel they are too complicated. I think you can reduce group sex to three simple rules: 1. Men, take your shoes off. 2. Ladies, take your hats off. 3. Everybody keep their eyes shut. Tomorrow, we won't want to recognize each other in the supermarket. hand-written comment added: oh, I don't know!